Breastfeeding or Fed is Best?

It’s World Breastfeeding week

To each their own how we feed our babies.

Yes breastfeeding has it’s benefits to mom and baby, but it also has alot of downsides too when it comes to mom’s mental health. The amount of stress and pressure society, health practitioners and organizations puts on new moms needs to stop. The feeling like we’ve failed if we can’t exclusively breast feed is like a punch to the gut and can bring on feelings of anxiety, sadness and depression

I hated breast feeding. That is a very honest and bold statement to say.  Most women don’t talk about their true and raw emotions about breastfeeding.  It is suppose to be this magical and bonding time with their baby.  Not for me.  I bonded with my baby (and babies) when I would rock with them in my chair or play with them. Not while I was feeding them!

I breastfed for 7 months, combined with formula with my oldest. I couldn’t pump ( double electric and hospital pumps gave me 1 once in 30 mins).  I went to multiple lactation consultants who made me feel belittled ( one got mad at me cause  my daughter had a soother). I remember looking at myself in the mirror at 4 months and asked myself who am I doing this for? My daughter was growing and healthy. I was feeling stuck and knowing my personality, I need to have some freedom if I wanted to go out to exercise, out with friends or to a store, without being back in 2- 3 hours to feed my baby.

Then came the twins.

When you have a 2 year old running around and trying to breast feed twins … The nurses and society  kept saying how much money I’d save if I breast fed them and how they’ll be healthier if I’d breast fed them only cause they were only 5.8lbs.

Nope. I didn’t listen. I did what was right for me. I fed them formula right in the hospital cause I wasn’t going to experience jaundice again like I did with my oldest. I tried tandem feeding which just made me frustrated cause my babies preferred one breast over the other and trying to get them to latch on at the same time, while a toddler yells at you to wipe her butt cause she was newly potty trained …. just put me to tears.  So, for 3 months, I would breastfeed 1 and formula feed the other and switch every feed. This way, my husband could help out, which was so helpful at night time, so I could at least get an extra hour of sleep.

Then at 3.5 months, I felt signs of PPD coming on. I hated breast feeding. I felt guilty for not spending more time with my oldest daughter. My twins were growing and content. So I stopped. This isn’t a pride thing of how my babies were being fed. I needed to do what was best for me and for my family. That day I stopped breastfeeding, I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulder.  I was happier. I was more calm

Here we are at 4 months. Formula fed twins and my 2 year old would sit between my legs and we’d usually read books until the twins were done feeding. She would help me burp them, put them to bed and we spent 2 hours hanging out together.
Happiness